Behind those eyes – 1

Here is a rough draft of my opening scene, suggestions on ways to improve it welcome!


The inhuman howl pierced the quiet of the darkened room. “Shit!” Michael was instantly up and pacing around the room in obvious distress. He walked towards the window and gingerly moved the thick black material that covered the glass. The evening sun shone through the small gap and was enough to burn his fingers. He cursed again.

“What is it?” A second male walked into the large room. His stride carried him over to where Michael was positioned by the window, and he gently moved those long figures away from the drape so that it dropped back into place. “The sun has not gone down yet,” James said rather unnecessarily. He managed to lead his brother back into the room, and the welcoming darkness. “That is only a slight burn, and so it should heal within a few hours.”

“I don’t have a few hours!” Michael snapped impatiently. “Samantha needs my help and there is nothing that I can do about it.”

“Care to explain?”

Michael gave a sigh of frustration. “She is being watched by a Lycan, and he plans to attack and make her his tonight.”

“Does she know?”

Michael shook his head. “Samantha knows nothing of the underworld, and she definitely does not know that this man is even a Lycan. I can’t let her become my enemy when I have worked so hard on her. James, there is something about this girl, and I just need her to be mine for all eternity. I am just worried that I will not be there on time. I swear that those pesky Lycans have done this because I have chosen a mistress.”

“I am sure it is less personal than that,” James countered. “He is simply going on opportunity by the sounds of it. I am not sure what he thinks that he will gain by such an action, because changing somebody against their will or knowledge is strictly forbidden.”

“We all know that Lycans have no real morals.”

“True,” James agreed with his brother. “It also means that there would be no issue in tearing him apart, or even her, as a result of the rule breaking.”

“You know I would not let it get that far,” Michael commented. “Even though it would feel like I was somehow doing damage to myself, I would have to kill her before I watched her turning into a Lycan.”

“Then we should hope that it does not get that far,” James said in all seriousness. He put a hand on his brother’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.” Let’s look at this logically, we both know that Lycans do not generally change form before the moon rises, and Samantha is at work for a little while yet. Well, every day is different for her, but, generally she is there. We are vampires, and can generally move a lot quicker than both mortals or Lycans. As soon as the sun is set the race is on. In every likelihood you are going to go in like the hero rescuing the damsel in distress.”

“The romantic hero is just what Samantha needs,” Michael stated as he thought about his chosen mortal. “She will be putty in my hands from then on.” He could almost hear her thanking him profusely for his act of bravery in saving her life. Little did she know that his major plan involved taking that life away from her in a permanent manner. Of course, he was going to make her immortal so that he could enjoy her for ever. His plan was to make her fall in love with him, so that she would agree to let him change her. There was no way that Samantha was going to realise she was powerless to resist him, because he was such a seductive creature, and could even go as far as thought manipulation. The poor little mortal did not stand a chance.

“You know that you are going to win.”

“I guess it was just the shock of seeing a Lycan plotting against me. How very dare they?”

“That’s what they do.”

“You are right, of course.” Michael glanced down at his burned fingers, and grimaced. “I guess I will have to wear gloves tonight so that I do not raise suspicion. I do not think that she will be ready for the big reveal by me tonight, not after coming face-to-face with the werewolf.”

James laughed and was very quick to agree with that statement. “Keep to your original plan of doing the gradual introduction, so much easier to control.”

Control was the key to this situation, but whether easy or not Michael knew that he had the abilities to deal with it. As well as being a master vampire, he was the master of seduction, and well practised in the art of thought manipulation.

Yes, the shy girl with the long red hair and big green eyes, was going to be his.

“I would say that you have about an hour before we can leave in safety,” James guessed as he looked at the clock. “Do you want me to round up some of the clan?”

Michael thought about this, and then shook his head. The action of this made his blue-black hair swing around his angular face, which made him look even more handsome than when he was standing still. “No, I can handle one Lycan, so only you and Trevor need to accompany me tonight. Of course, when I am with Samantha you both need to fade into the background, because the time has not yet come for you to meet her properly.”

“As you wish.”

“I will go and get myself ready now, so I shall meet you both so we can leave the moment that sun sets beyond the horizon.”

“Like you need to get ready,” James scoffed. “Just how do you improve on perfection?”

“You don’t improve on it, James,” Michael replied, “You just show it off.” He stuck his tongue out at his brother. “Seriously, I need to go and have a shower, and of course put on the little bit of make-up so that I can pass myself of as a mortal.”

James nodded, and made a move to leave. “We will be waiting for you, boss.”

There was the only remark that James made in the conversation to the fact that Michael was in fact higher ranking than him. It had seemed strange at first that the younger brother, Michael, had ended up being the master vampire above his elder brother, James. Mind you, Michael had been turned first and had chosen to turn his elder brother into a vampire as well. It did not seem strange when it was considered that way round. In actuality, Michael rarely thought about it because as far as he was concerned it was natural that he was in charge.

As James left he strode confidently in the direction of the bathroom so that he could wash and dress. If you believed the stereotype, then a vampire slept in a coffin and took no pride in their appearance. Michael did not follow that stereotype, because he slept in a large bed and had a daily ritual when it came to the way he appeared in front of people in the mortal realm. Just because you were a creature of the night, there was no way that you had to live like that.

Despite his age of 179, Michael had every mod con at his availability, except a mirror, of course, because that one part of the stereotype was true. He had no reflection.

No matter though because he already knew that he was good-looking.

Michael was downstairs and waiting in the shadows of the building within the hour. He was careful to stay away from the windows because the sun was still shining through the glass, and still had enough power to burn. The make-up that he had applied to his skin made it appear slightly darker so that he was more mistakable as a mortal. He was still pale, of course, but he was no longer stony white in colour.

“We are here,” a newcomer whispered as they reached his side. The newcomer was a man called Trevor. Trevor was nearly a blood relative of Michael, because he had in fact been a descendant of the blood line. Michael, who had always kept tabs on the family and its business, first met Trevor when he had became a supervisor. He had been impressed by the leadership qualities shown, and had not hesitated in introducing himself and offering Trevor the position of third in command. Trevor had easily accepted, and the rest was history.

“Thank you.”

“There is no way that I am going to let a filthy Lycan steel my masters girl,” Trevor stated with venom. “I will not let you get there too late.”

Michael’s face instantly softened as he regarded his friend. The loyalty shown by Trevor never ceased to amaze Michael. “That means a lot. Ever since I felt the tingle of her blood on my tongue I knew that she was mine. Samantha is the girl that I will happily devote myself to, and give her everything that I am able to do so.”

“I take it that she does not know that her blood was even taken?”

“She has no idea that the taste had happened when I first bumped into her. Of course, even that meeting was not the chance thing that she thought it was, because I planned that after watching her for a while. I just needed to taste that blood to be sure.”

“It is time,” James announced as he watched the fiery ball slip below the horizon. The three stepped into the pale light that seemed to bathe the world. Even though it was not going to do them any major damage simply because of their age, the glow still managed to tingle their skin, and their eyes water while turning slightly red.

As they ran towards their intended destination the darkness began to swallow the world, and brought with it significant relief to the three vampires. “The attack is imminent, I can feel it.”

“We are nearly there,” James soothed.

They rushed towards Samantha, and rounded the corner just as a Lycan was about to strike. Michael made a move to dash into the scene when James pulled him backwards. “The hell?”

“A pack is on its way,” James whispered urgently. Sure enough, another pack made their way towards the scene, and her three vampires watched helplessly as they rescued the damsel in distress. What happened next to them with disbelief, as well as a mixture of horror.


2 thoughts on “Behind those eyes – 1

  1. If you’re going with a vampire versus werewolf love competition thing, you will have to work very hard to make it different enough from the whole Twilight cliche thing to be interesting to readers. Too much of the “same thing from that other book” thinking will turn readers off… even the really nutty fan-boy/fan-girl nerdlings. Vampire-human lovers have to be truly unique in a post-Lestat world.


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